Patrick Jarrett

No go to see Coco

Trick — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:58:40 +0000

trickjarrett: Coco is coming to Atlanta
trickjarrett: And I have no money to buy tickets
trickjarrett: Sad panda
friend: I thought you meant Conan O’Brien
friend:
trickjarrett: I did
friend: oh
friend: not a panda?
trickjarrett: Coco was a gorilla
friend: whatever

A quick note that Koko the gorilla is alive and doing well, I incorrectly used the past tense in the above conversation.

Earn Your Body

Trick — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:36:25 +0000

I’m not going to lie. And it’s all stuff I’ve said before, but I’m overweight. I’m fat. This post is going to be a string of consciousness post laden with pop culture references and quotes. Buckle up.

Go home, take a paper bag, cut some eyeholes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest. – Joan on Mad Men

The sentiment here is clear, you have to be objective. If you look at yourself, you see you, but when we look at others – people we don’t know, we judge them. We judge them based on how they look. The bag on our head, even the metaphorical bag, enhances your ability to disassociate yourself with your body and look at your flaws, and your strengths.

The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body. You understand that the second you look in the mirror and you’re happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle. – Perry Cox on Scrubs

Change only happens when we have become so dissatisfied with the current state of things that we must change. I left the comedy club due to a single staff member who made my working there unbearable. And thanks to him I doubled my salary, then doubled it again the next year. All because I worked with a class-A raging asshole. Now, I must find that equivalent in my body and use it as leverage to cause change.

Here is the thing though, you cannot take a leap of faith without knowing where you’re aiming to land. Otherwise you end up being one of the characters in Super Smash Brothers where you fall to your death, fall forever and never reach your goal.

A goal is akin to a dream. Separated by a thin veil. Dreams require we admit to what they are, and risk to ourselves that we may not realize this dream. Like asking a woman out on a date, chasing a dream exposes ourselves to danger.

I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
- W. B. Yeats

I first heard this in the movie Equilibrium, and then I looked up the poem. Powerful stuff. It finds another risk in admitting our dreams, that others will crush them. Children dream of Santa, and it falls to parents to one day tread on that dream to educate them about the world. If my dream is to have six pack abs and a body of a god, then there are hundreds of people who will tell me it’s impossible, I’d never get there. And here is where my resolve, determination and bullheadedness come in. To them I say: Fuck off. It’s my damn dream so get off my cloud! This post is what happens when I stay up late watching Fight Club and coding PHP.

Earn your body.

I do not know where I heard this quote, I apologize to whoever said it and came up with this great truth. In so many ways I’ve spent my life taking the “free demo” of my body. Even during high school sports I struggled to push myself and earn it. For a short while after college I was earning my body. Daily workouts. Eating well. And I was earning it, seeing the pounds slip off. Then I didn’t fall of the wagon, the wagon exploded around me and my body slid backwards to the worst shape of my life. Here is a simple truth: Your body wants to be fat. Fat = sustenance and in famine it means you can live longer. But unfortunately for your body, your goal is not to survive famine, it is to survive time. And science shows that time is conquered by not accumulating that fat. And so it’s time I begin earning my body again.

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. – Narrator, Fight Club

The time is now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. I need to start earning my body. Tonight. Aside from the desire to look appealing, it has become more and more apparent that my future requires I make these changes. Both of my parents have fought disease, my dad is a cancer survivor and my mom died from her disease (forgive me for not going into more detail, I don’t need to delve deeper than I already am.) My family has history of heart disease, diabetes, alcoholism, and more. A clear sign that I should get moving and stop wasting time. So what stops me? Fear.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Fuck fear. Simply. I’m able to do this if I become dedicated and stop cheating.

I’m going to earn my body.

Lessons from this Christmas

Trick — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 05:21:00 +0000

When we stop learning, we start dying. So here is what my trip to Atlanta has taught me for this Christmas in 2009.

Driving to Atlanta from Orlando with a packed car can be miserable and uncomfortable at times.
The Jarrett Law of Travel holds: “No matter how far, or how long the trip is, you will find a way to fill up the car.”
It takes nearly a whole bottle of Chivas Regal to really get me trashed.
I’m pretty awesome at poker when I’m drunk.
It takes WaffleHouse’s Steak + Eggs with lots of water to quell the resulting hangover.
I love spending time with my family. Mostly.
Awkward times are still times with family. Push through them.
No one is perfect. But those who are annoying are less perfect.
Nieces and Nephews are way too much fun to play with.
Always check directions. Don’t trust someone knows where they’re going. Even if that someone is you.
It’s the moments in time rather than the things in space which really matter.
Vegan food can be yummy. Meat is not required in food. But it is still yummier.
There is no greater sport than football.
Seeing my mother’s grave will always make me cry. Damn do I miss her.
Grandmoms can still kick butt at poker no matter their age.

Much more was learned, and these lessons will give you a snapshot of what happened this trip. I’ll be writing more as time allows. For now it’s off to bed. We’re on the road in 6 hours.

PHP to Assign Secret Santa

Trick — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:35:21 +0000

Because I’m nerdy I decided to write a quick PHP script to handle the assigning of people for my family’s Secret Santa. It’s short, simple, and not-error checked or bug proof in the least.

echo "Christmas Secret Santa
\n";
//Build the two arrays. I could in theory use a single array and double it but I was lazy and just defined it twice.
$giver = array('Rudolph','Donner','Blitzen','Santa');
$receiver = array('Rudolph','Donner','Blitzen','Santa');
//Randomize the two arrays
shuffle($giver);
shuffle($receiver);
//We're going to iterate through the giver array for the individuals.
foreach ($giver as $g) {
//Make sure that the giver and the receiver are not the same person
while ($receiver[0] == $g) {
//Shuffle the array to randomize it.
shuffle($receiver);
}
//Grab the first person off the receiver array
$r = $receiver[0];
//Echo out the result
echo $g." – ".$r."
\n";
//Remove that first person from the array, so we only have ungifted people remaining.
$receiver = array_slice($receiver,1);
}?>

So nerdy. Maybe later I’ll do it as a javascript snippet.

This is Life

Trick — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:26:57 +0000

I’ve started and stopped dozens of blog posts. Ideas. Ramblings. Musings. None of them being finished. Well here is an overdue update.

My job is a dream. Where as for the past two jobs I have been a cog in the machine with peeks at influence, I’m now truly at the top and I am able to have a say and directly influence the direction for a company and its properties. This is the fulfillment I seek for my professional life.

K and I are doing quite well. We hosted our first Thanksgiving, complete with family from both sides and plumbing problems. We chose to remove Turkey and replace it with Steak. A choice which is questioned by many, but I highly recommend for all. Steak > turkey. Though admittedly also in cost.

And so life goes on. In a few short weeks we’ll be heading to Atlanta for Christmas.