The Chris
Four years ago, during a visit to Atlanta, my family launched a new tradition: "The Chris."
Card games have always been a big deal with the family, including the game 'Nasty' I wrote about yesterday, and also Texas Hold'em. So, back in 2021, we were talking about some sort of trophy that the family could keep and pass as part of our family gatherings. Later in the same day, we visited a Lego store at an Atlanta mall (I don't recall which one) and near the checkout I saw a display showing a small Lego trophy kit. And it was dubbed as 'The Chris', in honor of my father.
I was the first winner of the trophy, and as befits the honor I set it up in a display case for safe keeping while I held it.
It's changed hands three times since 2021, and last night it was up for grabs again. When the family plays other games, it's for laughs and good times, but this was the game with stakes. So we made sure to outline rules so everyone was on the same page.
Six players battled for it and I made it to the final two, unfortunately though I was the short stack and ultimately was forced to go all-in on a bad hand. I was chasing an inside straight and didn't get there.
But, in the moment of losing, I was only thrilled that the trophy was going to a new member of the family. The family tradition continues.
Creating and capturing family memories and moments does grow more powerful as we get older.
That said, this morning, I wish the trophy was coming home with me again.
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Nasty Game Design
For the entirety of my life, my family has played a card game we call 'Nasty.' It is very similar to Uno, but uses normal decks of cards. Jokers are Wild Draw 5s, and Kings reverse, for example. And, for the entirety of my life, the rules of the game have remained the same with zero modifications. This game is a mainstay of our family gatherings. Even in the era of video games, the youngest kids still clamor to play Nasty.
Well, during this Thanksgiving holiday, we introduced a variant rule to the game. It came about after talking about the game with my oldest brother Shawn. I learned that a part of the family played the game slightly different than I had learned. All my life, the Queen in the deck was simply the lowest point total card but had no function. Where every other face card did something special. Learning that the Cobbs family played it where both the Queen and King reversed the order of play, something I don't recall ever hearing about before. Now, I find it remarkable that it never came up before, perhaps I did hear it but I immediately discarded it as being 'wrong.' I don't think so, but my memory is definitely a sieve, so I want to be sure to allow for that possibility.
Well, hearing it this trip got me thinking what else could the Queen be used for in the game? Being someone who works in games, though I am far from a game designer of the caliber of my colleagues at Wizards and at Riot, I was immediately drawn to finding a way to add more interactivity into Nasty.
My initial proposal to Shawn was for Queens to nullify any "offensive" cards played against you. So, if a card would skip you, you could play a Queen still. Or if someone was going to make you draw extra cards, the Queen would protect you. It was Shawn's idea of it being reflective back to the person playing it. Initially I was against this, as it seemed possibly too powerful for there to be 8 of them in game (we normally play using two decks of cards) but we agreed to test it out and see.
And, last night, we played several hands with the new Queen rules and it was universally loved.
Shawn also came up with calling them Dale Queens or Queen Dales, which is fitting as we can all easily imagine mom cackling with glee if she was able to play a Queen in response to a Joker.
So, after 42 years of my life, it looks like we're going to update the rules for family games of Nasty. As I've been the keeper of the rules document (aka a google doc) I spent this morning cleaning it up and adding the rules for the new variant "Next Level Nasty" which adds the Queens new powers and updates their point total from 2 points to 25 points.
Definitely less impactful than the Queens, but that wasn't the only innovation to the game that came about this weekend. I also proposed another small variant when we played just a 4-player game of Nasty. Rather than tracking the point total for hands and playing to a threshold, we played for Jolly Ranchers. So instead of tracking points hand to hand, we played to 20 Jolly Ranchers. For each round, the first place person got 4 Jolly Ranchers and last place got 1.
Not an earth shattering bit of game design, but I thought it would be a good change for two reasons: First, I didn't want to worry about tracking hand totals, and secondly it avoided any one player totally running away with it or conversely someone having bad luck in multiple rounds and ending up well out of first place. Downshifting scoring is a sort of come-back mechanic to keep it more interesting.
With this way, we did decide you could eat your winnings, but then it wouldn't count towards your total for the game. You know, the important thing. Candy.
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Best. Uncle. Ever.
Just so y'all know, between working on Magic, teaching him D&D yesterday, and showing him my Minecraft stuff today - My nephew believes I'm basically the coolest uncle which has ever existed.
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Day of Remembering
Nine years ago today, I was at work when I got a call that I feared would come. My father had died after years of battling cancer. I sat in a meeting room and cried until a friend helped me get in motion, we called my wife to pick me up as I wasn't in any state to drive, and I took the next few days off to mourn and grieve and process.
The truth is I've never been a stranger to death. I lost my best friend when I was ten years old to a heart malformation, and now that I am nearly forty, death is becoming a more regular occurrence among people I know.
I've made today the Day of Remembering for me. Holiday is too strong a word; it's just a day for me to sit and remember those who I've lost during my life. Refresh their memories, keep them alive inside me. Nothing ornate and complicated, I just think back over my life and reconnect with those that are gone.
Each year that list of people grows a bit longer, but that only makes it more important that I do this for myself, and for them.
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‘Brothermine’
The following is what I wrote as I processed my grief for my sister at her passing, which I read (mostly) during her memorial last weekend.
It was the week before her death, Jennifer called me from the hospital, giving me the update on what she was going through. We talked about how she was doing, the prognosis and plan, about how Katie and I were doing; but towards the end of our conversation we talked about books. I remember she mentioned she had been reading a lot and she mentioned both Tad Williams and Isaac Asimov. I have only read one or two Tad Williams books, though I've read many more Asimov. We moved on in our chat and soon enough we hung up, intending to talk again soon.
I tried to call her a few days later to see how she was doing but she didn't answer. Little did I know that Williams and Asimov would be the last thing we would speak about.
Given that, as I wrestled with the reality of her passing and my emotions, I found myself drawn to those authors as a bridge to hold onto as I worked through my mourning and grief. I went looking for quotes by them and was struck by this quote from Tad Williams.
"The wisdom of our parents, grandparents, ancestors. In each individual life, it seems, we must first reject that wisdom, then later come to appreciate it."
Wisdom is a fickle thing, and it is up to each of us to be open to the wisdom of those who came ahead of us and who lived life. To me, Jennifer lived this quote, going through a period of her life rejecting the wisdom of our parents and grandparents, but eventually coming around to, well, some of it. I don't think it's a surprise to anyone here that my sister could be... stubborn.
She taught me a lot, both directly and indirectly as well as both up close and from afar. One thing she never taught me was how she managed to be my elder sibling while also managed to somehow remain only 21 years old for something like 30 years or so...
But, I digress, I did learn a lot from Jennifer. I learned, as you'll hear, about love, family, and passion. And I also learned a lot about what not to do as I went through adolescence and into adulthood learning from the road she blazed being a rebel. I watched the path she took and learned what I could from it; from her.
And, as I wrote this, I kept thinking of the affectionate turn of phrase for how she would refer to me and our brothers: "brothermine." That and sistermine. They were words emblematic of how she operated and viewed her family. We were hers. As a family, we were hers.
She loved us, and despite our differences at times, she was quick to remind us that if someone messed with one of us they were going to deal with all of us.
Jennifer loved us all, but without question, she most loved and was most proud of her children and her grandchildren.
COVID was rough for us all, and during that time we started having family Zoom calls to stay in touch through it. They filled a small bit of the needed socializing in the heart of the pandemic.
I'll always remember how her entire face lit up and her voice raised in pitch at the sight of her kids and grandkids on the call. She loved fiercely and openly. Another lesson I take to heart from her.
This brings me to the second quote I found which spoke to me. This one, from Isaac Asimov, "Someone who dies leaves his work behind and that does not entirely die. It never entirely dies as long as humanity exists." For Jennifer, this work IS her children and grandchildren.
Jennifer was passion incarnate. She lived life on her terms and despised all which stood between her doing that.
Death is the ultimate unfairness. A fact this family is all too familiar with. There is an unfairness to life that those who are most important to us all leave at some point. Children lose parents. Jennifer lost her birth mother, Jackie, in 1976. At the age of 12. And a loss like that leaves a mark on you. Then, she lost her adoptive mother, my mother, Dale, in 2007. Our father died in 2014. And last year she lost the love of her life, Bill.
We're no strangers to loss, and yet it never gets any easier. This is the way of it. The journey we each go on.
And this is a reminder to each of us to passionately fight for the time we have with one another, never forgetting that each moment, each hug, each laugh, and each phone call, might be the last we get with one another.
Tad Williams, again proving himself a quotable author, wrote, "We are none of us promised anything but the last breath we take." And it is true. It is on us to fight for everything along the way to that final breath.
Jennifer lived a full life. She touched all of us here. She brought four wonderful people into this world, who together, are finding their own ways through life. Facing their own challenges. Making their own journeys. Journeys which, today, are steeper, scarier, and darker than they were while she was with us.
But, as she would be quick to point out to us all, you're not alone. You have each other. You have us. We are a family, we are friends, and we're here for you. You just need to call and we'll be there, by your side, ready to help however we can with whatever is needed.
Jennifer's passion, and love, lives on in each of us.
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The deeper meaning of the Hawaiian 'Ohana'
A friend's use of the term on Facebook caused me to go looking up the connotations of the word. I was familiar with it from Disney's Lilo and Stitch, but I had a suspicion it might mean more than a simple translation for 'family.'
The concept of 'ohana involves creating loving relationships with more than just blood relatives. Embracing 'ohana means developing a sense of familial care and devotion to all members of the human family.
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Me: "On Chess"
A longform blogpost I made on my Wordpress blog, discussing the role chess played in my life and how my relationship with it has changed during the past year.
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